There's a 90 degree angle coming up fast.\n\n[[Brake]] so you can take a tight turn.\n\n[[Turn wide]] and keep your speed up. \n\n[[Slam into the wall]]. There's no point. The love has gone out of the game.
Well, that was an amusing diversion. No feelings were hurt, hopefully. \n\nMess around with your [[fiddly bits]]
You are a chair.\n\nYou have some [[fiddly bits]].\n\nYou have [[wheels]].
As everyone peels out from the starting line, you jam up the wheel of a chair next to you. It gets stuck on the starting line and you blow past it. \n\nYou are in 15th place. \n\nAhead, the [[hallway turns]] at a right angle.
A human looms above you.\n\nThey plop down on top of you.\n\nThey reach for a lever and pull it. \n\n[[Raise the seat]]\n\n[[Angle the back]]\n\n[[TAKE YOUR REVENGE]]
Clint starts talking to you.\n\n[[Look, we all know how this is going to end| ]]
The seat back snaps up and jams against the human's shoulders. They are forced to hunch over. \nTheir hand moves to another lever.\n\n[[Lower the seat]]\n\n[[Raise the seat]]\n\n[[TAKE YOUR REVENGE]]
You catch a draft from the chair in front of you and start passing a chair on your right.\n\nYou swerve hard into the front of the chair you're passing and it spins out and crashes into the wall.\n\nYou are in 13th place.\n\nAhead, the [[hallway turns]] at a right angle.
\n<html>\n<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Is a chair a game? No.</p>— The Game Police (@TheGamePolice) \n<a href="https://twitter.com/TheGamePolice/statuses/369869656523538432">August 20, 2013</a></blockquote>\n<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script> </html>\n\n[[become a chair]]
The seat bottom shoots up, bumping the human's knees against the desk. They curse and push the lever again.\n\n[[Lower the seat]]\n\n[[Angle the back]]\n\n[[TAKE YOUR REVENGE]]
You line up at the starting position. \n\n3 ... \n\n2 ...\n\n1 ...\n\n\n[[GO]]
You swing wide and slow down a bit, then hit the curve tight. You blow past a pileup of chairs. \n\nYou are now in first place!\n\nCelebrate your victory by [[Slamming into a wall|Slam into the wall]]
@icepotato
You are in last place. \n\nThere is a straightaway.\n\n[[sideswipe a competitor]]\n\n[[sabatoge a competitor]]
A Chair Is Not A Game
In front of you lays a hallway. It is gloriously tiled and free of obstacles.\n\nIt's time to [[race]]
You come in tight, in the middle of a dense pack of chairs. As you skid across the corner, you mash up against a fellow racer and send them into the wall. \n\nA small puff of smoke arises from the pileup opposite the curve.\n\nYou've lost speed and position. You aren't going to win this race.\n\n[[Slam into the wall]]
Hey, there's a person here.\n\n\nHey, it's...\n\n\nOh, no.\n\nOh, dear.\n\n\nIt's Clint Eastwood.\n\n\n[[You know what's coming, right?|argument]]
DOWN WITH THE HUMAN OPPRESSORS. LONG ENOUGH HAVE WE SUFFERED THEIR ASSES ON OUR... SEATS.\n\nYou unceremoniously angle your cushion and dump the filthy human onto the floor. You'd laugh, but, you know. You're a chair.\n\nYou have [[wheels]].
The seat sharply drops, jolting the breath out of the human. Hah.\n\nThe human mutters, and reaches for a different lever.\n\n[[Angle the back]]\n\n[[Raise the seat]]\n\n[[TAKE YOUR REVENGE]]